Knowing who you are is a big part of life. I think we all know who we are at that moment in time but in reality don't know who we are in a grand scheme of things. The big picture is something we paint over time and stroke by stroke, pull together a masterpiece of ourselves.
When I was a senior in high school, I tried to force myself to be "normal." I had a girlfriend and thought that with much effort I would be able to hide what I had felt since I could remember. Very soon after I began to date this girl three major things in my life happened, the first being my grandpa dying of cancer while my sister had cancer, and my parents divorce. I had so much thrown at me that I didn't know how to deal with it. I got very angry and kept all of my feelings locked away inside and never let anything out. On the outside a person would think that I had no problems and i was full of life but in reality I had so much going on. After my sister beat cancer and my parents divorce settled, I knew what I had to do. The entire time all of this was going on I was thinking about my life. I realized how short life was and how you have to live it the way you want. I knew that trying to hide the fact I was gay was not going to be a easy and right task. I broke up with my girlfriend and still told no one why. It would be another two months before I finally told my best friend Tracy. A little over three years passed and I finally came out to everyone. It was the greatest feeling ever. I now had nothing to hide and could be myself.
I look at pictures from my senior year and see someone entirely different. I think the same way and now let my feelings and emotions out instead of bottling them up inside. I am still very early in the finding out who I am stage in life and I'm sure it will be many many years until I really know. But I am happier now than I have ever been and can only hope the climb continues.
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